When You Wish Upon A Star
In the grips of analysis paralysis, trying to determine a way forward, or at least a way out. Maybe imagining what could be, some creative visualization, is appropriate.
If I were "looking" what would I want?
I don't think there's just one answer to that: there are at least three, according to the expected depth and duration of the postulated partnership.
For the first answer, let's assume the expected depth and duration are "green shirt" and "quick." (Aside: "green shirt" comes from someone I knew a long time ago who expressed regret at the number of people he'd messed around with whose name, if he ever heard it at all, he could not remember--but often he retained fragments of visual memory, such as that the person was wearing a green shirt. This man looked and sounded disturbingly like my father would have at his age, so even though we were never close, I remember a lot of the things he said.) I think the requirements are pretty specific: there has to be some clear physical chemistry and nothing obviously repugnant in the tiny bit of non-physical interaction one may have in such a situation.
The second answer moves logically along the continuum to "dating" and "possibly a while." This is the easiest for me to imagine right now, though still by no means clear. I would hope for someone with whom there is the ability to emotionally connect; who would respect and understand all the oddness that makes me who I am; who can appreciate abstraction for its own sake; who is not fearsomely judgemental; who's pretty smart; who understands that we'll each continue to be an individual whose specific wants and needs may not coincide exactly with the other at a given moment in time; with whom there are meaningful shared interests, but who thinks it's ok, maybe even encourages, interests apart from those shared. A great physical connection/desire would be required too. Even though it ultimately ended unpleasantly, I had one relationship like this, and while it was good, it was magical.
Finally, there's the long-term relationship. I cannot really imagine seeking another of these given the state of the current one, but I suppose it would be "all of the above" with the expectation that we continue to be excited about ourselves individually and as part of the relationship as we grow and develop and change.
If I were "looking" what would I want?
I don't think there's just one answer to that: there are at least three, according to the expected depth and duration of the postulated partnership.
For the first answer, let's assume the expected depth and duration are "green shirt" and "quick." (Aside: "green shirt" comes from someone I knew a long time ago who expressed regret at the number of people he'd messed around with whose name, if he ever heard it at all, he could not remember--but often he retained fragments of visual memory, such as that the person was wearing a green shirt. This man looked and sounded disturbingly like my father would have at his age, so even though we were never close, I remember a lot of the things he said.) I think the requirements are pretty specific: there has to be some clear physical chemistry and nothing obviously repugnant in the tiny bit of non-physical interaction one may have in such a situation.
The second answer moves logically along the continuum to "dating" and "possibly a while." This is the easiest for me to imagine right now, though still by no means clear. I would hope for someone with whom there is the ability to emotionally connect; who would respect and understand all the oddness that makes me who I am; who can appreciate abstraction for its own sake; who is not fearsomely judgemental; who's pretty smart; who understands that we'll each continue to be an individual whose specific wants and needs may not coincide exactly with the other at a given moment in time; with whom there are meaningful shared interests, but who thinks it's ok, maybe even encourages, interests apart from those shared. A great physical connection/desire would be required too. Even though it ultimately ended unpleasantly, I had one relationship like this, and while it was good, it was magical.
Finally, there's the long-term relationship. I cannot really imagine seeking another of these given the state of the current one, but I suppose it would be "all of the above" with the expectation that we continue to be excited about ourselves individually and as part of the relationship as we grow and develop and change.
posted by Compos Mentis at 11:57 AM
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